Joe walked in to the kitchen at about 12:30 in the morning to get a cookie, unable to sleep after a big show. He stopped short when he saw Nick sitting at the table. The younger boy had a fork and a spoon and was attacking what had been an entire blueberry pie, though he had eaten almost half of it already, and a half gallon of vanilla ice cream. The area around his mouth was covered with half melted ice cream and sweetened pie filling. Tears were streaming down his face and due to the red, puffiness of his skin it looked like they had been for quite awhile. “Nick what are you doing?” Joe sat down across the table from Nick.
“I’m eating my feelings, go away!” Nick spoke angrily through a mouthful of pie and ice cream.
“No Nick, talk to me.” Nick shook his head and went back to his emotional eating. “Ok…” Joe sighed and grabbed the ice cream carton. He put the lid on and stuck it back in the freezer. He then went back to the table and grabbed the pie tin away from Nick, who immediately began to scream and flail about, trying to steal it back. “Shut up! You’ll wake up the whole house!” Nick stopped screaming, but the tears and attempts at reclaiming his outlet continued. Joe took the pie and put it on the counter then sat down again across from Nick. He took a napkin and began to wipe the sticky pie and ice cream from Nick’s mouth. Once he’d gotten most of the goop off, he tried to soak up Nick’s still falling tears.
“JOE STOP IT!” Nick yelled, pulling away from Joe.
“What’s wrong Nick? Did I do something wrong?” Joe looked worriedly at Nick; he’d never seen his little brother like this.
“You’re KILLING ME Joe! Don’t touch me!” Nick stood up and glared at Joe.
“What? Nick, tell me what I did wrong.”
“It’s not something you did, it’s something I’m feeling, Joe, I’m in love with you.” Nick shook his head slightly then turned and ran from the room down the hallway in a zig zag line, his arms flailing everywhere. It was clear that he was quite distressed. He ran for several feet until he collided with Kevin, who had been awoken by Nick’s shrieks when Joe took the pie away.
“Whoa there Kiddo,” Kevin put his arms around Nick and looked at his sobbing brother, who was trying to pull away. “Nick-o, what’s wrong?”
“Leave me alone!” Nick jerked away from Kevin and ran to his room, slamming the door. Kevin looked behind him, confused, but turned back a minute later when Joe too, who had been running after Nick, smashed into him.
“Jesus Joe, what did you do to him?” Kevin looked at Joe, who was looking quite uncomfortable.
“Nothing on purpose, but oh god…I’ve done terrible things to him on accident.” He pushed past the very perplexed Kevin and slammed his own door.
“GO AWAY!” Nick called. It was almost 1:15 when he heard a knock on his door. Joe opened the door anyways and Nick jumped to his feet as he did so. Nick opened his mouth to yell at Joe again, but the older boy just put his right hand on the center of Nick’s chest and pushed him back on to the bed, kissing him fiercely. “Stop it!” Nick pushed Joe off. “You’re just doing this so I’ll stop crying.”
“No Nick.” Joe shook his head. “God, you’re beautiful.” He brushed some of the out of control curls from Nick’s face and looked into his eyes. He lowered his lips to kiss Nick again, but Nick stopped him.
“Look, I know that you don’t feel the same way, so stop torturing me, ok?” Nick looked angry, sad, and hurt.
“How do you know?” Joe looked down at the younger boy and bit his bottom lip. “How do you know that I don’t care for you every bit as much as you care for me?”
“Because, you would have come after me sooner! You wouldn’t have left me sobbing for more then half an hour alone, not if you really loved me!”
“Maybe I didn’t know what to do Nick,” Joe stroked Nick’s cheek gently. “Maybe I was so shocked that you felt the same way about me that I did about you that I had no idea what I was supposed to do next. Maybe I was scared that you’d been lying, maybe I didn’t know how you’d react if I told you.” A single tear fell from Joe’s eyes and landed on Nick’s cheek. It felt completely different from the other thousands of tears that were covering the younger boy’s face.
“Oh god…” Nick breathed, hardly daring to believe it. “You’re telling the truth…aren’t you?”
“Yeah Nick.” Joe nodded.
“Oh my god.” Nick smiled slightly and pulled Joe down in to a deep kiss. “God, this is so wrong.”
“Not if we both feel it.” Joe shook his head. “There’s no way that we would both have these feelings if they were wrong, God wouldn’t plague us like that, he doesn’t brand any particular love as good or bad.” Joe kissed Nick again. “Love is love baby, love is love.”
“I love you,” Nick said through his soft tears.
“I know, I love you too.” Joe kissed the tip of Nick’s nose. “Now what do you say we go finish that pie? Maybe with some smiles this time, no tears?”
“Alright.” Nick nodded and took the hand that Joe offered to help him up. He would have been intimidated by Joe’s strong grip but he knew that those hands would protect him, not hurt him, and he all of a sudden felt completely safe. Nick pushed closer to Joe as they walked towards the kitchen and Joe responded by putting his arm around Nick’s shoulders and pulling him close. Just as they reached the kitchen, he kissed the top of Nick’s head, pressing his face into the thick abundance of curls.
“Your hair smells good.” Joe mused.
“Thanks.” Nick blushed slightly, but without the light on in the kitchen, Joe couldn’t tell.
“To think, all this time I thought we were growing apart and all you wanted was just to be loved…by me.” Joe gave Nick’s shoulder a small squeeze as he separated from the boy to get the pie tin and two forks. Joe sat down at the table again, this time beside Nick. He dug one of the forks into the pie and put it to Nick’s lips. The younger boy smiled and opened his mouth, letting Joe feed him the tangy but sweet pie. As Nick finished chewing, Joe pressed his lips against his brother’s. “Mmmm, your lips taste like pie.” Joe smiled as he pulled away.
“As they should.” Nick smiled and let Joe feed him more of the pie. He began lick his lips after the fifth bite, but Joe moved close to Nick and caught the boy’s tongue between his teeth. Nick let out a small squeal but didn’t stop the older boy as he pulled the tongue into his mouth, engulfing Nick in a deep, intense kiss. Nick pulled away after a couple of seconds and grabbed the fork away from Joe. He took a fairly large chunk of the pie and put it on his own tongue, then he moved towards Joe, who opened his mouth. Nick pushed the pie from his tongue to Joe’s, kissing his older brother softly before pulling away so that Joe could chew.
“God I love you,” Joe sighed once he’d swallowed.
“Good.” Nick smiled and rested his head on Joe’s shoulder.
“Do you want some more?” Joe asked, gesturing at the pie.
“No,” Nick shook his head slightly and Joe felt the movement against his shoulder. “I don’t need it anymore, I have you.”
“Are you saying that I give you the same level of pleasure as blueberry pie?” Joe raised his eyebrow skeptically and looked down at the boy, who giggled slightly.
“Maybe…”
“Wow, that’s a little sad.” Joe sighed. “You know what? Pie may be sweet but it can’t do this.” Joe bent down and kissed Nick sideways, working his jaw so that the kiss was slightly aggressive.
“Alright, fair enough.” Nick smiled. “You totally pone the pie.”
“Good.” Joe stood and picked Nick up, leaving the pie tin and two forks on the table. “Come sleep in my bed tonight, I need you.” He carried Nick bridal style to his room and dropped him down on to the bed.
“Joe…” Nick trailed off, looking uncomfortably at his older brother. “I don’t want to uh…you know…”
“Oh Nick,” Joe chuckled. “I’m not expecting you to put out! I just want to hold you close while I sleep.” Joe pulled the covers down and crawled into the bed. “Come here.” He pulled Nick under the blankets next to him and held him tightly.
“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything…I just, well, I assumed that when you asked me to sleep with you wanted me to uh sleep with you sleep with you.”
“Nope, I only want one thing from you Nicky.” Joe kissed the tip of Nick’s nose.
“What’s that?”
“Your heart.”
“You have that.”
“Then I’m happy.”
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